The lost year: a cheat sheet
While writing the first essay for this series, I realized there’s a main cast of characters and settings you’ll need to know before we proceed. All names and identifying details have been changed.
Cast:
Alexander. My ex-partner, who will feature heavily in this story. We dated for 4 years and broke up in August 2018. He lives in Minneapolis, MN. It is irresponsible to discuss the details of our relationship in a situation where he can’t comment, so I won’t. For the purposes of The lost year, all you’ll need to know is that, for me, the breakup was devastating; I am still in profound grief over a year later. Much of this story will focus on the aftermath of this loss. You also need to know that the breakup was my fault.†
Matthew. We dated very briefly in early 2019, and still remain friends. I’ve been given permission to discuss this relationship; he may provide comment. He lives in Pickerington, OH.
Isaac. My ex-fiancé, we were together for almost 5 years during my 20s. I will also not discuss this relationship, just its following events. He lives in Portland, OR.
Hannah. My best friend of over 15 years, whom I love deeply and treasure everyday that she exists on this earth. She lives in Washington, D.C.
Daniel. He sexually assaulted me in Berlin in 2016, after leading me on from the moment Isaac and I split up. I’m using his real name and location because he can go fuck himself.
Mom and Dad. I lived with them in Delaware, OH during the lost year. Please don’t send them this newsletter.
Sir. My Dominant in a months-long BDSM relationship in 2018; we were not romantic, it was strictly a power exchange. He lives in Brooklyn, NY. His name needn’t be changed because I only called him Sir and I’ve been given permission to write about our relationship, sans identifying information.
Bluebell. My dog who is certified as an emotional support animal. She’s a senior miniature dachshund with no teeth and one blue eye, and she is an angel. She lives wherever I do.
Settings:
Delaware, OH. I moved back in with my parents in August 2018 after Alex and I broke up. It’s a suburb of Columbus, OH.
The hospital. I was in an inpatient psychiatric facility for 2 weeks in August 2018; I checked in 2 days after the breakup to address my nervous breakdown and physical illness.
Brooklyn, NY. Where I lived before moving home. This was my second attempt at living in Brooklyn after a colossal failure in 2015. I moved back in 2017. For better or worse, I am planning to move back there again in December 2019, because I don’t fucking learn. I also made a few trips to Brooklyn while living at home in 2018 and 2019, for job interviews, to visit friends and family, and to see Sir.
Chicago, IL. Where I lived before moving to Brooklyn. I left Chicago for Brooklyn in 2014, returned in 2015, left again for Brooklyn in 2017. It’s OK to be exhausted just thinking about this. I’ll try my best not to confuse you.
Don’t pay attention to lengths of my romantic relationships relative to this timeline, because they have been changed as they may identify those individuals.
†No, I did not cheat on Alexander, it’s nothing like that. You know how you can only take so much of someone’s bullshit? The short of it is, Alexander couldn’t take any more of mine.